Men more commonly experience spontaneous desire, which is arousal arising in anticipation of intimacy often triggered by visual cues.

“Responsive desire is you see your partner and get out of the shower for the 8,645th time and you think, "Did I sign up for the right treadmill tomorrow morning at 6:00 a.m.?" And that's because your brain's just not there. It's not in the same place as your partner. But if your partner comes over and starts to rub your shoulders and rub your feet or maybe has made dinner, um we call chore play, which is where sort of emotional uh investments in the relationship can sometimes lead to to responsive desire.”