The 12-step principle 'identify, don't compare' suggests focusing on understanding one's own partner.

“There's a saying from 12step which is identify, don't compare which is um like because you'll hear people outside of 12step talking about for instance um you know like uh you know well he's this this and this and ambitious and this and that but he's like kind of emotionally unavailable but he's more available and and people will talk about male or female partners right um or potential partners as like or people that they're dating as if you to cluge together the best of all people and get this like perfect tapestry of the person that's got all the features you want”